On Simplicity

Last year, I decided to follow Ali Edwards' tradition to choose a word to help define the coming year. My word for 2009 was savor. It was a good choice. With Eloïse's arrival in April, my life became infinitely more hectic, and my one little word served as an occasional reminder not to sweat the small stuff. It was more of an idea word, it didn't require much action, except for a sincere attitude shift at times, helping me focus on what really matters, to live in the moment, to take it all in, specifically, the good stuff. Choosing that particular word provided my perspective with the occasional nudge in the right direction on the life I am living.

This year, I am trying it out the one little word challenge again. My choice of word was not something I really had to think hard about. It came to me easily and I think it's really because the evidence of what it should be was obvious and staring me in the face for quite some time. My word is simplify. Simplicity. Simple.

I see simplicity and simplifying as an action theme for me. Having two little children to take care of fills up my days to the brim. There are a countless number of things for me to do on any given day, and if I am at some point sitting on the couch, it is because I have chosen to ignore that endless to-do list rather than the fact that it does not exist. As a result of being so busy, I have come to the realization that having less in my home would mean less work for me. Having less things to manage, juggle, even dust, would allow me the time to do the things I really love, rather than dealing with all the less-than-pleasant aspect of an excess of stuff. We presently live in a really small space for four people, and every little bit of space counts. It does not help that I have a really hard time getting rid of things. It does not help that I have a craft stash. Or that I have a lot of maternity clothes. Or that kids grow out of their clothes before they have even worn them. And beyond the stuff, there is the time factor. Time wasters like the internet and Facebook. The telephone. Countless email mailing lists. All of it.

I know I already presented my resolutions here in my last couple of posts, and so I have briefly touched on the topic. I know reducing and weeding out the unecessary stuff will not be easy for me. It may always be a ongoing struggle for me. To simplify will require not only a shift in my attitude, but also in my behavior, and that is why I see it as an action word. It will require my to make choices. To say no. To ask myself important questions like how certain things add to or diminish our quality of life as a family.

I can say that I am more than up for the challenge. I hope to be able to push myself out of my comfort zone, and arrive at a point where living with less becomes my norm. I think I can do it. I really do. I believe that in recent years, I have slowly begun to realize the benefits of having more white space in my life. To see the simple beauty of it.

First Layout of 2010: Resolutions 2010

Fonts: Garamond & CarbonType

Kraft & Graphed Paper: KPertiet at Designer Digitals

"Resolutions" Word Art" RFarrer at Two Peas In A Bucket

Brads: PKnox at Designer Digitals

Resolutions 2010

As 2009 draws to a close, I have started to think about some resolutions for the new year. To be honest, I can't remember the last time I even attempted to come up with some resolutions, but I am looking at this year's attempt as a sort of year-long project. Yesterday, I was over at my friend Melissa's for a few hours of scrapping (not to mention a powerful bloody caesar), and I came up with some goals I would like to achieve in 2010. Later last night, I put them down on paper, and I added a few others.

And so, here is my list of resolutions for 2010:

1. Simplify. Reduce. Get rid of things I do not find either beautiful or practical. Before letting any new items into our home, contemplate how that object will improve our lives, and whether it really is necessary. Learn to live with less.

2. Challenge myself in my role as a parent and "domestic engineer". Strive to step out of my comfort zone when necessary for the benefit of my children and to keep things challenging and interesting for myself.

3. Reach and maintain my goal weight.

4. Reduce/pay off debts and save money in order to reach the financial goals Ben and I have set for our family.

5. One hundred scrapbook layouts. Digital or traditional.

6. Incorporate exercise into my life.

7. Blog. use my bog as a creative outlet, a place to journal for scrapbooking, and a place to document my creative projects.

8. "Clean up" and organize desktop computer. This includes taking care of archiving photo files.

9. Get my driver's license.

10. Read four books.

11. Get a will and other "grown up" responsibilities taken care of.

*12. Wear more skirts. (This was added as an after-thought. Just for fun)

Some of the goals are simple ones, simple tasks that seem to regularly appear on my to-do lists, but never seem to get accomplished. Some have already been worked on in 2009 and the process will hopefully continue in 2009. Others will require some sort of transformation, a breaking of habits on my part, and those will likely be the hardest ones to accomplish, perhaps they may even be impossible to achieve or will always be on-going for me. I am anxious to see where this journey takes me.

Sisters

Last night, I was downloading my most recent photos from my camera to our PC. As we were scanning through them, Ben and I came across a series of photos I had recently taken of Aurelia and Eloïse one afternoon lying in Aurelia's bed together. The day I took them, I rememeber Aurelia being so excited that the baby was lying in the bed beside her. Eloïse was just going to with the flow, content to be with us. I was happy to have remembered to have taken a few moments in my day to take some pictures of my two girls, aged 2 years 4 months, and 5 months, and to record us "right now". But as I looked at these pictures only days later, I realized something. Aurelia & Eloïse will not always be these ages. Aurelia will not always be the toddler excited to have this little baby lying beside her. This little baby will soon be big and talking back, and it won't always be a question of changing her diaper or holding in order to soothe her. These two will have their share of fights and disagreements. Maybe they will have similar interest, maybe they won't. Maybe they will be close, maybe they won't. There will be successes, failures, moments of happiness and despair in both their lives, and only time will tell if they will be there for these in one another's lives. But there is one thing that will never change regardless of these factors: they will always remain sisters. As I examined one photo in particular, one where each is looking into the others' eyes, I was really overcome by this realization. I don't really know what it was that got to me so much. Part of it was that I realized that I never grew up with a sibling, and looking at that photo made realize what an incredible gift a brother or sister can be. Right before Eloïse was born, I confided in Ben that somehow I felt as though I was betraying Aurelia bringing another baby into our family when she, only 23 months at the time, was oblivious to what was going on. I clearly remember him saying to me that bringing another child into our family was the greatest gift we could be giving her. And it is now, now that I am beginning to really understand what he meant.

Confession

Eloïse, I have a confession. Before you were born, I had never loved anyone the way I loved Aurelia. The love I felt for her was like nothing I had ever experienced- overwhelming and indescribable are two words that come to mind. People tell you that the love you feel for your children can only be described when you experience it first-hand. Now I knew it was true. She was my purpose. I would die for her. To look into her eyes, the eyes of a person that grew inside me, was the most incredible feeling. And so, I wondered, could I ever love anyone as much as her? I knew her hands, her smell, the feel of her cheek, what would make her laugh. Would anyone else have such an effect on me?

When I became pregnant with you, I was thrilled. Just as with my pregnancy with Aurelia, it was a relief when everything was going smoothly. It was exciting every single time I felt you kick, felt you move, realized how much by belly had grown through those many weeks. Seeing those blurry black and white images of you on that ultrasound machine will remain one of the most wonderful memories for me. I would count down the minutes to getting these too-brief glimpses of you, and we would sigh with relief when the doctor would say you looked like you were growing well. We would come home from those visits, and compare your profile in those grainy pictures with Aurelia’s. Would you look like her? Would you be a girl or a boy? It was just as incredible as when I had experienced it with Aurelia. But, secretly I was worried about something. Despite the fact that I was as overjoyed during my pregnancy with you as with Aurelia, how would I feel once you arrived? I couldn’t imagine loving someone else as much as much as her .

And, then, as an answer to my questions, they put you in my arms.

You were mine. And that overwhelming and indescribable love came over me…for you.

Eloïse, you are now almost four months old. I know your hands, your smell, the feel of your cheek, and yes, what makes you laugh. To look into your eyes, the eyes of a person who grew inside me, well, it’s like seeing heaven.