BY THE DIM EARLY MORNING LIGHT

Lopez

This is Lopez. Lopez is what happens when a Mama is stuck inside with two little girls on a rainy day in May. It was Aurelia’s idea to make a caterpillar. Truth be told , Lopez, named after Daddy’s muse, Jennifer,was not our first attempt at a pompom caterpillar. The first caterpillar we attempted to make with pompoms a while back was too fragile to survive any kind of touching, as the glue proved to be an inefficient mean of assembly. This time, however, I had the idea to run a needle and thread through them all, and it worked really well. Apparently in the process, we also created Lopez’s best asset, according to Aurelia, anyway. You see, the thread I used was red, and Lopez’s tail-end pompom was bright yellow, so the knotted thread was fairly obvious. I predicted when I was making him, that this little knot would be the topic of many conversations, and I was not wrong.

Late last night, at around 1030pm, once Eloïse was in bed, Aurelia, who had gotten out of bed, asked to hold Lopez. Having been up since 4am, I was exhausted. So when Aurelia asked me what that tiny knot of thread was, I absent-mindedly responded, “It’s Lopez’s bum hole.” She paused, examined it more closely, and declared, “Oh! You’re right!”. Well, this little knot of thread kept her busy for an hour.Ben and I were talking in another room, and we would hear the little pitter-pat of her feet coming toward us, and she would exclaim, while pointing at Lopez’s derrière, “Look,Mama! It’s Lopez’s bum hole.” (If we were more responsible parents, we might have thought this to be disturbing, but luckily, we are not, so instead, we thought it was hilarious.)

Morning arrives. When Lopez’s is finally pulled off the shelf from his resting place by Aurelia, the first thing she examined was his bum hole. And then she proceeded to explain Lopez’s anatomy to Eloïse, a moment I was lucky enough to capture on camera.
Sadly, Lopez did not survive the day without first losing his eyes, and losing his “figure”. But not before he received a lot of love and praise for his bum hole from two little girls.
The lesson here? If your name is Lopez, it’s always about the booty.

"UMBLALA!"

What's that, you say? To you, it may appear to be part of an apple speared by a chopstick, but our little Eloïse declared it to be her version of an "umblala". That's right, an umbrella.

Oh, how I love her.

A Girl and her Cats

Humphrey & Percival. My poor cats. Before the girls were born, those cats had loads of attention. But let’s face it: once I had been holding a little person in my arms all day long, the urge to hold another living creature when I had a free minute pretty much flew out the window for me. And so, they take what they can get.

When it comes to the girls, Aurelia co-exists with the cats, and appears to have little attachment to them. In fact, most of the time, her only acknowledgement of them is when she’s shooing them away. Then there’s Eloïse. She loves them.Loves them. Whether they like it or not.

Percival loves the attention, Humphrey does not. Many mornings, I have caught Eloïse & Percival cuddling as she tries to share her bottle and pacifier with him. She is constantly kissing him on his back, despite the fact she ends up with a mouthful of fur, and declares it to be “Yuck!”. Indeed, she loves her “tats”.

Sisters

Last night, I was downloading my most recent photos from my camera to our PC. As we were scanning through them, Ben and I came across a series of photos I had recently taken of Aurelia and Eloïse one afternoon lying in Aurelia's bed together. The day I took them, I rememeber Aurelia being so excited that the baby was lying in the bed beside her. Eloïse was just going to with the flow, content to be with us. I was happy to have remembered to have taken a few moments in my day to take some pictures of my two girls, aged 2 years 4 months, and 5 months, and to record us "right now". But as I looked at these pictures only days later, I realized something. Aurelia & Eloïse will not always be these ages. Aurelia will not always be the toddler excited to have this little baby lying beside her. This little baby will soon be big and talking back, and it won't always be a question of changing her diaper or holding in order to soothe her. These two will have their share of fights and disagreements. Maybe they will have similar interest, maybe they won't. Maybe they will be close, maybe they won't. There will be successes, failures, moments of happiness and despair in both their lives, and only time will tell if they will be there for these in one another's lives. But there is one thing that will never change regardless of these factors: they will always remain sisters. As I examined one photo in particular, one where each is looking into the others' eyes, I was really overcome by this realization. I don't really know what it was that got to me so much. Part of it was that I realized that I never grew up with a sibling, and looking at that photo made realize what an incredible gift a brother or sister can be. Right before Eloïse was born, I confided in Ben that somehow I felt as though I was betraying Aurelia bringing another baby into our family when she, only 23 months at the time, was oblivious to what was going on. I clearly remember him saying to me that bringing another child into our family was the greatest gift we could be giving her. And it is now, now that I am beginning to really understand what he meant.

Confession

Eloïse, I have a confession. Before you were born, I had never loved anyone the way I loved Aurelia. The love I felt for her was like nothing I had ever experienced- overwhelming and indescribable are two words that come to mind. People tell you that the love you feel for your children can only be described when you experience it first-hand. Now I knew it was true. She was my purpose. I would die for her. To look into her eyes, the eyes of a person that grew inside me, was the most incredible feeling. And so, I wondered, could I ever love anyone as much as her? I knew her hands, her smell, the feel of her cheek, what would make her laugh. Would anyone else have such an effect on me?

When I became pregnant with you, I was thrilled. Just as with my pregnancy with Aurelia, it was a relief when everything was going smoothly. It was exciting every single time I felt you kick, felt you move, realized how much by belly had grown through those many weeks. Seeing those blurry black and white images of you on that ultrasound machine will remain one of the most wonderful memories for me. I would count down the minutes to getting these too-brief glimpses of you, and we would sigh with relief when the doctor would say you looked like you were growing well. We would come home from those visits, and compare your profile in those grainy pictures with Aurelia’s. Would you look like her? Would you be a girl or a boy? It was just as incredible as when I had experienced it with Aurelia. But, secretly I was worried about something. Despite the fact that I was as overjoyed during my pregnancy with you as with Aurelia, how would I feel once you arrived? I couldn’t imagine loving someone else as much as much as her .

And, then, as an answer to my questions, they put you in my arms.

You were mine. And that overwhelming and indescribable love came over me…for you.

Eloïse, you are now almost four months old. I know your hands, your smell, the feel of your cheek, and yes, what makes you laugh. To look into your eyes, the eyes of a person who grew inside me, well, it’s like seeing heaven.

Eloïse's First Days

You arrived at 6:42 pm on April 19th,2009, and surprised us all with the speed at which you arrived, your dark hair, and that yes, the fact you were a girl. Around 10pm that night, we were tranferred to the post-partum department, and were lucky enough to get a large private room, with two beds, which was great, except for the fact the heating was still on and it was extremely hot. We were so excited that you were finally here, we had a hard time going to sleep that first night, despite the fact we were very tired. The next day, we had a lot of visitors- Mel, Christina, and Patrick came to meet you. Grand-Maman, who witnessed your birth, came back for several hours, too. Papa went back home for a couple of hours, and when he came back, he brought Grand-Mère & Grand-Père, and your big sister, Aurelia, along with him. This was a very special moment for Papa and I - our little family all together for the first time. Once everyone left, the rest of the day was pretty quiet, and the following morning, we were discharged. You were finally coming home! We arrived home mid-morning, and tried to get settled into some sort of routine. Because you were being breastfed, and we were still waiting for the milk to come in, the next few days were a little tough, as we tried to get into the groove of things with very little sleep. I must admit, there were a couple of nights in that first week where I did cry a little. You would sleep well and be so quiet during the day, but once 10-11 pm hit, you would be very cranky and unsettled, and cry a lot. Even though you are our second baby, I realize that sleep deprivation is still as hard the second time around, especially when there is another little person who needs to be taken care of. Nevertheless, we survived. And once you were eating enough, and we both got the hang of breastfeeding together, things, settled down. You slept for several hours at a time, and we were able to get the sleep we all needed. It is incredible how you just fit right into your spot in our family. We are so glad you are finally here. Welcome home, Our Sweet Eloïse.

On Your Way

To My Baby in My Belly,

I am sitting here waiting for the hospital to call to let me know they are ready for my induction today. We were supposed to go in at 6am, but they had a busy night, so we have had to wait. I think this was a blessing because I feel more ready mentally for labor. It is how it is supposed to happen.

What I want you to know is that, although we have yet to look each other in the eyes, your Papa and I already love you beyond words. You are the greatest gift we could ask for, and we cannot wait to continue this life's journey, both yours and ours, with you. I can't wait to meet you.

All my love,

Mama