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That Smile
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Her first tooth came out on Christmas Day, 2007.
Over time, her smile has grown into what it is today…gap-toothed, imperfect, obviously belonging to a pacifier-lover, and so her.
And it is soon about to change.
Two days ago, that little smile got into a head-on collision with a wall. When it happened, she told me about it, pointing to her top tooth. I checked it and it still seemed solid. It was only that night when brushing her teeth I realized her two front bottom teeth were loose.
Ben & I were so upset, to say the least.
We went to the dentist the next morning, who confirmed that, in fact, three teeth are loose. Although one seems solid enough, the two bottom ones will likely fall out. After an X-ray to check for any fracture, the dentist reassured us that Aurelia's adult teeth were already on their way anyhow, so it’s very possible these two teeth weren’t very solid before the accident anyway.
But still.
It is yet another sign she is growing up, something I openly admit, I have a hard time accepting. I will so miss that baby-toothed smile. For now, I will enjoy it as long as it’s here.
Over time, her smile has grown into what it is today…gap-toothed, imperfect, obviously belonging to a pacifier-lover, and so her.
And it is soon about to change.
Two days ago, that little smile got into a head-on collision with a wall. When it happened, she told me about it, pointing to her top tooth. I checked it and it still seemed solid. It was only that night when brushing her teeth I realized her two front bottom teeth were loose.
Ben & I were so upset, to say the least.
Aurelia at the dentist yesterday.
But still.
It is yet another sign she is growing up, something I openly admit, I have a hard time accepting. I will so miss that baby-toothed smile. For now, I will enjoy it as long as it’s here.
B3
Monday, January 9, 2012
When she first contacted me, she was hesitant, but she really wanted to capture this all-too-fleeting time, and so, she decided to trust me.
It had been many years since I had seen her in person. Social media, in its own way, had managed to keep us in remote contact. The moment I saw her, she was just as I remembered her, calm, sure, relaxed…and those eyes…those incredible eyes…all qualities I admired in her in our younger days. Now, however, there was the belly, the true reason of our meeting again.
As with all reunions, we caught up, reminisced. Both of our lives had changed so much in the last few years. She told me the details of how she met her husband, how fate had brought them together. We spoke of each of our day-to-day lives, too, but the most important part of our conversation was of what was to be. We spoke of strollers, and ultrasounds, nurseries, and life after baby’s arrival.
In our initial conversation about this photo shoot, I had confided in her that I had never had maternity shots taken, and that medical issues had gotten in the way of my plans. It is something I have always regretted. Even now, when I come across an occasional photo of my own round belly from years ago, I am awestruck that it is me. Part of my own story. I often imagine what kind of photos I envision of myself for that time, and I think that with this shoot, I tried to live vicariously through these images.As I have mentioned before, with every shoot, I learn something. The lesson here, however, was perhaps a more personal one. In all my work, I strive to capture what I would wish for images of my own story, my own family.
L, thank you from the bottom of my heart for having shared this precious time with me, for including me in part of your story and for allowing me the opportunity to capture you in all your beauty. I look forward to hearing of B3's safe arrival. xoxo
It had been many years since I had seen her in person. Social media, in its own way, had managed to keep us in remote contact. The moment I saw her, she was just as I remembered her, calm, sure, relaxed…and those eyes…those incredible eyes…all qualities I admired in her in our younger days. Now, however, there was the belly, the true reason of our meeting again.
As with all reunions, we caught up, reminisced. Both of our lives had changed so much in the last few years. She told me the details of how she met her husband, how fate had brought them together. We spoke of each of our day-to-day lives, too, but the most important part of our conversation was of what was to be. We spoke of strollers, and ultrasounds, nurseries, and life after baby’s arrival.
In our initial conversation about this photo shoot, I had confided in her that I had never had maternity shots taken, and that medical issues had gotten in the way of my plans. It is something I have always regretted. Even now, when I come across an occasional photo of my own round belly from years ago, I am awestruck that it is me. Part of my own story. I often imagine what kind of photos I envision of myself for that time, and I think that with this shoot, I tried to live vicariously through these images.As I have mentioned before, with every shoot, I learn something. The lesson here, however, was perhaps a more personal one. In all my work, I strive to capture what I would wish for images of my own story, my own family.
L, thank you from the bottom of my heart for having shared this precious time with me, for including me in part of your story and for allowing me the opportunity to capture you in all your beauty. I look forward to hearing of B3's safe arrival. xoxo
IT ALL STARTED WITH A FRENCH FRY.
Friday, September 23, 2011
Almost exactly thirteen years ago to the day, a seemingly insignificant event occurred, one I am certain no one else who was with us even noticed. I stole a French fry from a boy’s plate. At the time, we simply smiled at each other, and went about our evening, but months later, when we had started dating, both of us would remember that moment when we both just knew something very significant had occurred.
Today, over twelve years after officially becoming a couple, I am lucky to say the boy, Ben, is my husband. As I write this, I know that, quite honestly, there are no words to adequately express who we have become together, and what he means to me.
He somehow sees my faults as endearing qualities, remains my greatest support system, and without a doubt, is the person I have the most fun with. He always remembers to say thank you, even after a long day, even after a sixteen-hour shift, if only because I remembered to buy peanut butter for his lunch. He is the most amazing father to his little girls, and I am certain that if you asked them, they would tell you their Daddy hosts the very best kitchen dance parties.
While I can take little credit for who he is, I can truly say I am proud of him in everything he does.
So today, on the occasion of your birthday, I want to say thank you, Ben, for everything you do for our family and loved ones. You live your life with much love, generosity, and integrity, and that’s something to be really proud of. Happy Birthday, My Love. We love you more than words. xoxoxo
Today, over twelve years after officially becoming a couple, I am lucky to say the boy, Ben, is my husband. As I write this, I know that, quite honestly, there are no words to adequately express who we have become together, and what he means to me.
He somehow sees my faults as endearing qualities, remains my greatest support system, and without a doubt, is the person I have the most fun with. He always remembers to say thank you, even after a long day, even after a sixteen-hour shift, if only because I remembered to buy peanut butter for his lunch. He is the most amazing father to his little girls, and I am certain that if you asked them, they would tell you their Daddy hosts the very best kitchen dance parties.
So today, on the occasion of your birthday, I want to say thank you, Ben, for everything you do for our family and loved ones. You live your life with much love, generosity, and integrity, and that’s something to be really proud of. Happy Birthday, My Love. We love you more than words. xoxoxo
Frogs, Cheese, & A Peacock: Our Cottage Weekend
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
The first time all four of us headed up to Ben’s family’s cottage was last year around this time, and based on how little sleep we got, we swore we would never go up with both girls again until Eloïse was considerably older. Despite that less-than-ideal initiation, we recently decided to give it another shot.
We kept the menu simple, and bought a few things at a local market on the way up, namely fruits, vegetables, and an assortment of cheese. The market has a little farm attached to it, complete with rabbits, chickens & roosters, alpacas, and peacocks. For Aurelia, it was most definitely the male peacock that stole the show.
She had a million questions, and was fascinated by the way he fanned his plumage, and even the way he squawked. She was sad to leave, and for the remainder of our time away, the peacock became one of her main topics of conversation, including when we would see him again. Luckily, the excitement of getting to the cottage gave her something to look forward to.
The cottage is located deep in the woods, and can only be accessed by 4x4, and in the winter, by snowmobile. It is an old hunting & fishing club, without electricity, built over a hundred years ago, and sits by a lake where no other cottages can be found. Trying to describe it in a way that gives it justice is next to impossible. The first time I visited, over twelve years ago now, I was blown away that such a place existed. A great number of friends have spent many, many weekends here, and it’s pretty safe to say the place has become legendary. For many years, Ben & I headed up to it every chance we had, sometimes even leaving late at night on a whim. Now, with two little ones, the opportunities to head up together are rare, but it remains one of our favourite places. For Aurelia, it has quickly become one of her favourite places, too.
When we finally pulled up to the cottage, and settled in, we headed right to the lake, where we got down straight to the business of hunting for frogs.
We got lucky with one, thanks to Papa’s skilled hands, but after the girls examined him a bit, we let the frog “go back to his family”.“Bye, bye Fog!”
We spent our time relaxing, eating a mainly-cheese menu, and exploring our surroundings with the kids. We took a canoe ride around the lake, headed to the beach, captured &examined minnows, bloodsuckers, lilypads and dragon flies, caterpillars, and just savouring every little moment. Bliss.
We strolled down the path through the woods with the hope that we would have more luck finding frogs in puddles. The frogs weren't plentiful, but it didn't matter: splashing in puddles was just as fun.
The girls both loved taking turns swinging on the porch. Wait, let me rephrase that: they loved to swing, but had a harder time with the "taking turns" part. Nevertheless, their glee was hard to contain.
Despite being a little concerned before we left how our little family adventure would go, everything went smoothly. The children even fell asleep easily, and slept through the night, giving Mama & Daddy a little break. It was sad to leave after only having stayed a single night, but since it was all we had planned for, we had little choice. We headed back home, with a quick stop to visit the peacock one last time (a visit that would be followed by watching several YouTube videos of peacocks. Do you realize just how many peacock videos are out there?).
This trip provided a little glimpse into the future and to hopefully many, many more cottage adventures. Seeing my little girls at the cottage together, witnessing them having so much fun living out the simplest of childhood adventures, like hunting frogs, was so awesome, I can’t even begin to describe how it made me feel. I love that they have such an amazing place to discover. Although it already held a special place in our hearts, this little piece of paradise has suddenly come to mean so much more to us, because of two very special little people.
We kept the menu simple, and bought a few things at a local market on the way up, namely fruits, vegetables, and an assortment of cheese. The market has a little farm attached to it, complete with rabbits, chickens & roosters, alpacas, and peacocks. For Aurelia, it was most definitely the male peacock that stole the show.
She had a million questions, and was fascinated by the way he fanned his plumage, and even the way he squawked. She was sad to leave, and for the remainder of our time away, the peacock became one of her main topics of conversation, including when we would see him again. Luckily, the excitement of getting to the cottage gave her something to look forward to.
The cottage is located deep in the woods, and can only be accessed by 4x4, and in the winter, by snowmobile. It is an old hunting & fishing club, without electricity, built over a hundred years ago, and sits by a lake where no other cottages can be found. Trying to describe it in a way that gives it justice is next to impossible. The first time I visited, over twelve years ago now, I was blown away that such a place existed. A great number of friends have spent many, many weekends here, and it’s pretty safe to say the place has become legendary. For many years, Ben & I headed up to it every chance we had, sometimes even leaving late at night on a whim. Now, with two little ones, the opportunities to head up together are rare, but it remains one of our favourite places. For Aurelia, it has quickly become one of her favourite places, too.
When we finally pulled up to the cottage, and settled in, we headed right to the lake, where we got down straight to the business of hunting for frogs.
We spent our time relaxing, eating a mainly-cheese menu, and exploring our surroundings with the kids. We took a canoe ride around the lake, headed to the beach, captured &examined minnows, bloodsuckers, lilypads and dragon flies, caterpillars, and just savouring every little moment. Bliss.
We strolled down the path through the woods with the hope that we would have more luck finding frogs in puddles. The frogs weren't plentiful, but it didn't matter: splashing in puddles was just as fun.
The girls both loved taking turns swinging on the porch. Wait, let me rephrase that: they loved to swing, but had a harder time with the "taking turns" part. Nevertheless, their glee was hard to contain.
Despite being a little concerned before we left how our little family adventure would go, everything went smoothly. The children even fell asleep easily, and slept through the night, giving Mama & Daddy a little break. It was sad to leave after only having stayed a single night, but since it was all we had planned for, we had little choice. We headed back home, with a quick stop to visit the peacock one last time (a visit that would be followed by watching several YouTube videos of peacocks. Do you realize just how many peacock videos are out there?).
This trip provided a little glimpse into the future and to hopefully many, many more cottage adventures. Seeing my little girls at the cottage together, witnessing them having so much fun living out the simplest of childhood adventures, like hunting frogs, was so awesome, I can’t even begin to describe how it made me feel. I love that they have such an amazing place to discover. Although it already held a special place in our hearts, this little piece of paradise has suddenly come to mean so much more to us, because of two very special little people.
Big S & Little S
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Here's a secret: Up until now, whenever I have walked into someone's home for a session, I have a certain level of anxiety. What if my mind goes blank, and I lose control of the session? What if the kids don't warm up to me, or are uncooperative?
Having said that, I am happy to report that, so far, I haven't run into any of these situations. In fact, I'm pretty sure that the kids I have had the pleasure of working with have enjoyed themselves, and that getting their picture taken was relatively painless for them. Nevertheless, there is always the fear that the conditions during a session may be less than ideal.
On this day, I was feeling no different. I had met these little people previously in the fall, and it was more than likely that they would not remember who I was. What I quickly realized was I had nothing to worry about. This little almost-four year-old young man was the most ideal model. He not only greeted me enthusiastically, he posed for me without any prompting, in such a natural, relaxed way, I could not have asked for more. His little sister was a dream, easy-going, content just hanging out. And Mama? Well, she and I had the most amazing chat, and we had so much fun, in fact, we lost track of time.
Here's another secret: by the end of the session, a little piece of my heart had been stolen by this boy. He is just an awesome little person - full of energy, enthusiasm, sweetness, an amazing conversationalist, and positively gorgeous to boot. I feel honoured he was willing to show me his dance interpretation of one of his favourite Elvis songs, complete with splits, flips, and pirouettes. After his performance, when I asked him how he knew how to dance like that, true to form, he shrugged and replied, "I just know."
I believe you do, S.
Having said that, I am happy to report that, so far, I haven't run into any of these situations. In fact, I'm pretty sure that the kids I have had the pleasure of working with have enjoyed themselves, and that getting their picture taken was relatively painless for them. Nevertheless, there is always the fear that the conditions during a session may be less than ideal.
On this day, I was feeling no different. I had met these little people previously in the fall, and it was more than likely that they would not remember who I was. What I quickly realized was I had nothing to worry about. This little almost-four year-old young man was the most ideal model. He not only greeted me enthusiastically, he posed for me without any prompting, in such a natural, relaxed way, I could not have asked for more. His little sister was a dream, easy-going, content just hanging out. And Mama? Well, she and I had the most amazing chat, and we had so much fun, in fact, we lost track of time.
Here's another secret: by the end of the session, a little piece of my heart had been stolen by this boy. He is just an awesome little person - full of energy, enthusiasm, sweetness, an amazing conversationalist, and positively gorgeous to boot. I feel honoured he was willing to show me his dance interpretation of one of his favourite Elvis songs, complete with splits, flips, and pirouettes. After his performance, when I asked him how he knew how to dance like that, true to form, he shrugged and replied, "I just know."
I believe you do, S.
Lopez
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Late last night, at around 1030pm, once Eloïse was in bed, Aurelia, who had gotten out of bed, asked to hold Lopez. Having been up since 4am, I was exhausted. So when Aurelia asked me what that tiny knot of thread was, I absent-mindedly responded, “It’s Lopez’s bum hole.” She paused, examined it more closely, and declared, “Oh! You’re right!”. Well, this little knot of thread kept her busy for an hour.Ben and I were talking in another room, and we would hear the little pitter-pat of her feet coming toward us, and she would exclaim, while pointing at Lopez’s derrière, “Look,Mama! It’s Lopez’s bum hole.” (If we were more responsible parents, we might have thought this to be disturbing, but luckily, we are not, so instead, we thought it was hilarious.)
Morning arrives. When Lopez’s is finally pulled off the shelf from his resting place by Aurelia, the first thing she examined was his bum hole. And then she proceeded to explain Lopez’s anatomy to Eloïse, a moment I was lucky enough to capture on camera.
Sadly, Lopez did not survive the day without first losing his eyes, and losing his “figure”. But not before he received a lot of love and praise for his bum hole from two little girls.
The lesson here? If your name is Lopez, it’s always about the booty.
"UMBLALA!"
Friday, July 29, 2011
What's that, you say? To you, it may appear to be part of an apple speared by a chopstick, but our little Eloïse declared it to be her version of an "umblala". That's right, an umbrella.
Oh, how I love her.
Oh, how I love her.
A Girl and her Cats
Monday, May 16, 2011
Humphrey & Percival. My poor cats. Before the girls were born, those cats had loads of attention. But let’s face it: once I had been holding a little person in my arms all day long, the urge to hold another living creature when I had a free minute pretty much flew out the window for me. And so, they take what they can get.
When it comes to the girls, Aurelia co-exists with the cats, and appears to have little attachment to them. In fact, most of the time, her only acknowledgement of them is when she’s shooing them away. Then there’s Eloïse. She loves them.Loves them. Whether they like it or not.
Percival loves the attention, Humphrey does not. Many mornings, I have caught Eloïse & Percival cuddling as she tries to share her bottle and pacifier with him. She is constantly kissing him on his back, despite the fact she ends up with a mouthful of fur, and declares it to be “Yuck!”. Indeed, she loves her “tats”.
Baby B. January 10th, 2011.
Monday, May 9, 2011
This is Baby B, the last in a family of three gorgeous boys. These photos were taken on his Mama's birthday when he was just ten days old. My first newborn shoot, and I have to say he was a dream to photograph. The little guy hardly made a peep, even when we attempted to wrap him in cheesecloth, and idea we quickly nixed when he started looking like a mummy. He was already perfect just as he was.
His mama is one of my oldest friends. We first met in high school, and although most of our interaction these days is via social networking, there is something to be said about the friends who knew you when you were rolling your jeans, and drove around the neighborhood looking for certain young men on skateboards.
Thanks, Drea, for the privilege of photographing your beautiful new baby boy. He is lucky to have been born into such an amazing family.
Oh, and thanks for sharing your birthday macarons.
A & M: November 18th, 2010
Sunday, May 1, 2011
When I first contacted my good friend Drea and asked her if she would be willing to let me photograph her two sons, I was nervous. It was a combination of asking for help, putting myself "out there", and all the fear of my technical shortcomings. But I also knew I just needed to begin.
So when she greeted my proposal with enthusiasm, I was really happy and excited, but a little, ok, a lot anxious, too. I mean, I might get there and totally lose it. Maybe there will be poor natural light, or the kids won't like me, or I won't know what to do with them, and end up with a whole bunch of same looking, badly exposed, boring photographs. All of this was running through my head.
The night before I slept very little, but once morning came, I felt as ready as I would ever be. I would give it my very best, and that is all I could ask for, really.
When I arrived, and Drea introduced me to her two sons,A & M, they were a little apprehensive. Little did they know, they were making me shake in my boots. We decided to have them show me their room. Mom followed us because although the kids knew why I was there, you have to admit, it is a little weird. However, after a few minutes I realized her presence was freaking me out, so I told Drea we wouldn't need her, and she left us alone. Anyway, we just hung out for a bit. They mostly talked with each other, and I slowly started clicking away.
Prior to the day of the shoot, I had asked Drea to answer a few short questions about her boys. Since I had never met them except for her oldest on the day he was born, I thought it was a good way to get a little insight into each of their personalities since our time together would be limited. One of the questions I asked her was what made them laugh. Her response was "anything related to butts, farts, puke, etc." When she initially gave me that response,little did I realize how that would be the key to getting them to open up to me. Up until that point, they were playing pretty quietly, hardly looking at me, and talking very little. Then, M came across something with a strong odor, and declared :"Uhh, it smells like puke." There was a pause, as both boys looked straight at me as if to gauge my reaction. I burst out laughing. And sudddenly, just like that, I was in the club.
Suddenly, the entire energy shifted. They relaxed, started playing, laughing, looking and interacting with me, posing for me. It all started to come together. It was a blast. They are two amazing little men, one quite energetic, and the other a little more reserved. The idea of photographing two boys ages 6 and 4 at the same time sounds quite challenging, but really, I could not have asked for better models. They were awesome.
Thank you A & M for a fun-filled morning. You have no idea how much you taught me during our short time together.
So when she greeted my proposal with enthusiasm, I was really happy and excited, but a little, ok, a lot anxious, too. I mean, I might get there and totally lose it. Maybe there will be poor natural light, or the kids won't like me, or I won't know what to do with them, and end up with a whole bunch of same looking, badly exposed, boring photographs. All of this was running through my head.
The night before I slept very little, but once morning came, I felt as ready as I would ever be. I would give it my very best, and that is all I could ask for, really.
When I arrived, and Drea introduced me to her two sons,A & M, they were a little apprehensive. Little did they know, they were making me shake in my boots. We decided to have them show me their room. Mom followed us because although the kids knew why I was there, you have to admit, it is a little weird. However, after a few minutes I realized her presence was freaking me out, so I told Drea we wouldn't need her, and she left us alone. Anyway, we just hung out for a bit. They mostly talked with each other, and I slowly started clicking away.
Prior to the day of the shoot, I had asked Drea to answer a few short questions about her boys. Since I had never met them except for her oldest on the day he was born, I thought it was a good way to get a little insight into each of their personalities since our time together would be limited. One of the questions I asked her was what made them laugh. Her response was "anything related to butts, farts, puke, etc." When she initially gave me that response,little did I realize how that would be the key to getting them to open up to me. Up until that point, they were playing pretty quietly, hardly looking at me, and talking very little. Then, M came across something with a strong odor, and declared :"Uhh, it smells like puke." There was a pause, as both boys looked straight at me as if to gauge my reaction. I burst out laughing. And sudddenly, just like that, I was in the club.
Suddenly, the entire energy shifted. They relaxed, started playing, laughing, looking and interacting with me, posing for me. It all started to come together. It was a blast. They are two amazing little men, one quite energetic, and the other a little more reserved. The idea of photographing two boys ages 6 and 4 at the same time sounds quite challenging, but really, I could not have asked for better models. They were awesome.
Thank you A & M for a fun-filled morning. You have no idea how much you taught me during our short time together.
Overheard
Friday, April 1, 2011
Eloïse, (while pointing at TV): Mama!
Aurelia: That’s not Mama, that’s a pteranadon.
Aurelia: That’s not Mama, that’s a pteranadon.
On The Road
Monday, March 28, 2011
Yes, I am back! It has been nearly a year since I posted on this blog. I can't believe it. Way too long. Anyway, so much has happened in this last year, particularly for me, creatively. I am not quite ready to talk about it all here. To be honest, I feel quite vulnerable about the whole thing. However, more than anything, I am excited. I am on the verge of something big, and it feels awesome.
Trying Something Different
Friday, April 9, 2010
So, this week, I decided to try something different. Ben ended his paternity week, and headed back to work on Monday. Since then, I have been trying to get up early (meaning, earlier than the girls), in order to have a bit of time for myself before I start the day. I love the quiet that has settled into the house, looking out the window, even when it's raining. These past few days, I have had an overwhelming feeling of being really lucky that I don't have to run around like I know so many people are doing right now, rushing to start their day, getting themselves and their kids ready, distributing everyone around town, shovelling breakfast in their mouths with one hand on the steering wheel.
Over this past week, I have used this time to eat my breakfast, watch the news, check out Facebook, emails, and my favorite blogs, and, most importantly, sip my hot coffee. I cannot believe what this little bit of me time to start the day has done to improve my mood and my productivity throughout my day.
Anyone who knows me is aware that I am not a morning person. Actually, it's not really that I am not a morning person, but more the fact that I can't get out of bed, because, once I'm up, I'm up. So this new routine is not necessarily an easy switch for me. I need to push myself, but I am realizing that this switch in my routine has made me happier, and infinitely more productive.
Yesterday, I wrote about how I was debating keeping this blog public. I've decided for now, I will leave it as-is and instead try to incorporate writing my entries into my new morning routine. We'll see how it goes.
Over this past week, I have used this time to eat my breakfast, watch the news, check out Facebook, emails, and my favorite blogs, and, most importantly, sip my hot coffee. I cannot believe what this little bit of me time to start the day has done to improve my mood and my productivity throughout my day.
Anyone who knows me is aware that I am not a morning person. Actually, it's not really that I am not a morning person, but more the fact that I can't get out of bed, because, once I'm up, I'm up. So this new routine is not necessarily an easy switch for me. I need to push myself, but I am realizing that this switch in my routine has made me happier, and infinitely more productive.
Yesterday, I wrote about how I was debating keeping this blog public. I've decided for now, I will leave it as-is and instead try to incorporate writing my entries into my new morning routine. We'll see how it goes.
Questioning the whole public blog thing
Thursday, April 8, 2010
I started this blog as a way to document my everyday life. While I suppose I could also use a word processing program as I often do, what's interesting about a blog, is that I am able to access it anywhere internet is available, which I love.
One of my New Years' resolutions for 2010 is to blog more. Unfortunately, what I am noticing is that I am not drawn to my blog when I want to put down my thoughts. I feel so aware that there is an audience reading this, I find myself editing my thoughts before my fingers reach the keyboard. What is so odd about all this, of course, is that no one actually reads this blog except me. But still, it feels like leaving a personal journal open on a table in a coffee shop.
Up until recently, my blog was private. Maybe I will have to go back to that, if it means I will be less self-conscious when I write here. I don't want this blog to end up like all those diaries I received as a kid with only a couple of pages used.
One of my New Years' resolutions for 2010 is to blog more. Unfortunately, what I am noticing is that I am not drawn to my blog when I want to put down my thoughts. I feel so aware that there is an audience reading this, I find myself editing my thoughts before my fingers reach the keyboard. What is so odd about all this, of course, is that no one actually reads this blog except me. But still, it feels like leaving a personal journal open on a table in a coffee shop.
Up until recently, my blog was private. Maybe I will have to go back to that, if it means I will be less self-conscious when I write here. I don't want this blog to end up like all those diaries I received as a kid with only a couple of pages used.
I want to remember this.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
I want to remember this:
You, after a bath, still slick with water,
Dripping tendrils of baby curls sticking to your neck,
Bolting down the hallway,
Naked and confident,
Shoulder blades protruding like wings-
Bird bones just under the surface.
Screaming with glee.
Febrile and defiant.
I want to remember this:
You, sleeping soundly in our bed,
As only you can
When you are in your parents’ bed
At age two.
Sunken deep into a pillow, assured and secure,
Your breath paced slow and steady,
Your lower lip jutting and relaxed.
Your lashes grazing that tender patch of bluish skin
Just below the eye.
Damp curls lay flat against your pulsing temple.
Your tiny hand, open-palmed and fleshy,
Managing to reach out to me,
Still asleep.
I want to remember this:
You, coming to join me in the morning,
Messy, gorgeous, matted hair
Hiding still-sleepy eyes,
Cheeks rosy and creased from slumber,
Diaper fat and sagging,
Your little voice, cracking,
proclaiming something,
Anything,
As though it were a new-found discovery:
“Look, Mama! A book!”
I want to remember this:
You, delighting in those things otherwise overlooked.
A bubble escaping from the dish soap bottle.
The ant jarred awake by the year’s first thaw.
The way the cat washes its ears.
I want to remember this:
You, looking at me with complete and total trust.
Believing that I know.
Seeing me as I have forgotten how to see myself.
I want to remember this.
Overwhelmed
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Feeling overwhelmed this past while, by so many different things, but, added all up, they are weighing heavily on me. Finances. Parenting. (Lack of) Time. The need to purge all the excess. There have been moments these last few days that reminded me so much of exam time when I was in university, the feeling that the smallest thing could be the one that makes me crack. Luckily, I think I know myself a bit better now, and it helps that I realize that my stress can be minimized by addressing the issues rather than avoiding them. Just taking it all one day at a time.
Blogging & Project 365
Friday, February 26, 2010
One of my resolutions this year was to blog more regularly. Given the fact that my last blog was a month and a half ago and we are not even two months in to the new year, it does not appear that I have been really making blogging a priority.
The reason I want to blog more regularly is simple. With two little girls to look after every day, and my beloved who works 12-hour shifts, my scrap time is limited. If I were to blog more regularly, when that time does come up, the words and the photos will already have been chosen, and thus, the hard part done, seemingly effortlessly. If I don't write as a go, the thoughts linked to those moments captured are somewhat lost, inevitably tainted by hindsight.
Looking at everyone in cyberland's 365 day project really, really makes me want to try to join in. But I really don't want this to become an unfinished project. I am so inpired by Becky Higgins Project 365 kit. If I commit, I want to commit for the long haul. I know that to have an album to hold at the end of a year-long project like this would be so priceless to my family and me. But, after having worked on the December Daily project, I realize what a huge commitment this is, and I'm not sure I am ready for it.
The reason I want to blog more regularly is simple. With two little girls to look after every day, and my beloved who works 12-hour shifts, my scrap time is limited. If I were to blog more regularly, when that time does come up, the words and the photos will already have been chosen, and thus, the hard part done, seemingly effortlessly. If I don't write as a go, the thoughts linked to those moments captured are somewhat lost, inevitably tainted by hindsight.
Looking at everyone in cyberland's 365 day project really, really makes me want to try to join in. But I really don't want this to become an unfinished project. I am so inpired by Becky Higgins Project 365 kit. If I commit, I want to commit for the long haul. I know that to have an album to hold at the end of a year-long project like this would be so priceless to my family and me. But, after having worked on the December Daily project, I realize what a huge commitment this is, and I'm not sure I am ready for it.
On Simplicity
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Last year, I decided to follow Ali Edwards' tradition to choose a word to help define the coming year. My word for 2009 was savor. It was a good choice. With Eloïse's arrival in April, my life became infinitely more hectic, and my one little word served as an occasional reminder not to sweat the small stuff. It was more of an idea word, it didn't require much action, except for a sincere attitude shift at times, helping me focus on what really matters, to live in the moment, to take it all in, specifically, the good stuff. Choosing that particular word provided my perspective with the occasional nudge in the right direction on the life I am living.
This year, I am trying it out the one little word challenge again. My choice of word was not something I really had to think hard about. It came to me easily and I think it's really because the evidence of what it should be was obvious and staring me in the face for quite some time. My word is simplify. Simplicity. Simple.
I see simplicity and simplifying as an action theme for me. Having two little children to take care of fills up my days to the brim. There are a countless number of things for me to do on any given day, and if I am at some point sitting on the couch, it is because I have chosen to ignore that endless to-do list rather than the fact that it does not exist. As a result of being so busy, I have come to the realization that having less in my home would mean less work for me. Having less things to manage, juggle, even dust, would allow me the time to do the things I really love, rather than dealing with all the less-than-pleasant aspect of an excess of stuff. We presently live in a really small space for four people, and every little bit of space counts. It does not help that I have a really hard time getting rid of things. It does not help that I have a craft stash. Or that I have a lot of maternity clothes. Or that kids grow out of their clothes before they have even worn them. And beyond the stuff, there is the time factor. Time wasters like the internet and Facebook. The telephone. Countless email mailing lists. All of it.
I know I already presented my resolutions here in my last couple of posts, and so I have briefly touched on the topic. I know reducing and weeding out the unecessary stuff will not be easy for me. It may always be a ongoing struggle for me. To simplify will require not only a shift in my attitude, but also in my behavior, and that is why I see it as an action word. It will require my to make choices. To say no. To ask myself important questions like how certain things add to or diminish our quality of life as a family.
I can say that I am more than up for the challenge. I hope to be able to push myself out of my comfort zone, and arrive at a point where living with less becomes my norm. I think I can do it. I really do. I believe that in recent years, I have slowly begun to realize the benefits of having more white space in my life. To see the simple beauty of it.
This year, I am trying it out the one little word challenge again. My choice of word was not something I really had to think hard about. It came to me easily and I think it's really because the evidence of what it should be was obvious and staring me in the face for quite some time. My word is simplify. Simplicity. Simple.
I see simplicity and simplifying as an action theme for me. Having two little children to take care of fills up my days to the brim. There are a countless number of things for me to do on any given day, and if I am at some point sitting on the couch, it is because I have chosen to ignore that endless to-do list rather than the fact that it does not exist. As a result of being so busy, I have come to the realization that having less in my home would mean less work for me. Having less things to manage, juggle, even dust, would allow me the time to do the things I really love, rather than dealing with all the less-than-pleasant aspect of an excess of stuff. We presently live in a really small space for four people, and every little bit of space counts. It does not help that I have a really hard time getting rid of things. It does not help that I have a craft stash. Or that I have a lot of maternity clothes. Or that kids grow out of their clothes before they have even worn them. And beyond the stuff, there is the time factor. Time wasters like the internet and Facebook. The telephone. Countless email mailing lists. All of it.
I know I already presented my resolutions here in my last couple of posts, and so I have briefly touched on the topic. I know reducing and weeding out the unecessary stuff will not be easy for me. It may always be a ongoing struggle for me. To simplify will require not only a shift in my attitude, but also in my behavior, and that is why I see it as an action word. It will require my to make choices. To say no. To ask myself important questions like how certain things add to or diminish our quality of life as a family.
I can say that I am more than up for the challenge. I hope to be able to push myself out of my comfort zone, and arrive at a point where living with less becomes my norm. I think I can do it. I really do. I believe that in recent years, I have slowly begun to realize the benefits of having more white space in my life. To see the simple beauty of it.
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