Yesterday

My Dearest Aurelia,

Yesterday I reached the 26 week mark for this pregnancy. We had an appointment with Dr. Johansson, so Papa finished work early, we packed ourselves into the car, and headed to her office. The last time I was in that office was very nerve-wracking indeed. I had gone in the previous day for my "almost 22-week appointment, and during that ultrasound, the doctor noticed something that could indicate something serious was wrong with the baby, so the following morning, we headed back to the office in a rush to do an amniocentesis. Much to Papa's and my relief, the results for the amnio came back normal. So yesterday, was a much happier occasion for me, and I really tried to enjoy the moment of getting to see your soon-to-arrive brother or sister on the ultrasound machine screen.

You were in Papa's arms during this, and were getting quite restless, especially since the wait to see the doctor was a little long for you. This meant that Papa got to see very little of the ultrasound taking place. He was busy taking care of you. But later, once we left the office he told me of your reaction seeing me laying on the doctor's examination table while Dr. Johansson probed my belly. Apparently, you became very still and were observing everything that was going on. Then, although you made no sound, tears began streaming down your face, and continued even after the examination was over. He is certain you thought the doctor was hurting me, even though you could see me smiling and laughing. Once we left the examination room, while I was talking to the doctor and her secretary and making arrangements for my next appointment, you, still in Papa's arms, kept reaching out to me, holding tightly to my shirt.

It was only after, when Papa told me of your reaction, that I realized how upset you were, and to be honest, it was only last night, while laying in bed wide awake at around 2am with insomnia did it hit me. I am your mama. And you know it. And as much as I live with the fear that something could hurt you or happen to you, you also live with that fear for me. We need each other, and we have a bond that has developed and strengthened every single day since we came into each other's lives. Maybe it sounds strange that such a simple incident made me come to such a realization, but with you, I have learned that the simplest things having become the most incredible blessings. A soft kiss from you. You caressing my eyelashes. Your small open hand on my chest while you fall asleep. These are gifts you give me every day and for which I will never be able to repay you.