First Birthday

Well, here we are. Just four days short of Aurelia's first birthday. I must admit, this anniversary feels a little bittersweet. More than anything, of course, it is a celebration, but it also makes me realize how much time has past since this incredible little person came into my life. I wish I could relive those first moments, not the part of shock in realizing that something, a person, this baby, was growing inside of me, or the moment of finally finding out "it" was a "she", or the coming-to-grips part that I am her mother and that she is my daughter, but rather, to relive that moment with the clarity I have now. To have been able to foresee the scope of the love I would have for her. To have fully realized that my world as I knew it had, in an instant, changed for the better. To have truly understood that motherhood would be the most challenging and most rewarding role of my life. To have grasped the concept that this little person would challenge me in ways I never expected, and, as a result, she would teach me to be a better person.

What I know now is that since Aurelia came into my life, I am infinitely more aware of the wonders of this life, both the beauty and ugliness of this world, and the meaning of unconditional love. I know now that to watch your child discover and learn allows you to experience life from their perspective, with fresh eyes and wonder. Everything seems a little brighter, the small stuff is not as important as it once was, and infinite pleasure can be found in the simplest of things.

While you are pregnant and awaiting the arrival of your first child, many tell you to prepare for the hundreds of diapers, the sleepless nights, a screaming baby. Often, what they fail to mention, is that those diapers will teach you the type of endurance only a parent knows. That during those sleepless nights, while rocking your baby,you will realize, as you stare into your baby's eyes or count her delicate lashes, that you would die for her and do anything to protect her. That a screaming baby will not only teach you patience, but that a parent's worry for their child's well-being is infinite, and that, regardless of her age, she will always be your baby.

On the eve of my 33rd birthday, Reflections of the last year

1. Gave birth and became Mama to my sweet Aurelia
2. Bought a camera way beyond my budget and fell in love with photography
3. Was diagnosed with kidney stones, gallstones, and a DVT
4. Had way too many visits to the hospital
5. Mastered the art of stain removal
6. Went back to my natural hair color
7. Lost all the baby weight
8. Rediscovered scrapbooking
9. Got my eyebrows professionally plucked for the first time, and realized that I can do a better job
10. Learned how to perform most tasks with one hand while carrying a baby with the other

Solids

Your initiation to solid foods came in the form of rice cereal on October 26th, 2007. Papa and I were so surprised when you instinctively opened your mouth for the spoon. Obviously, that first attempt to feed you solids was more to introduce you to eating something other than breastmilk or formula rather than nourish you, but it really went well.

Since then, getting you used to solids has taught us a lot of patience. You seem to enjoy cereals, veggies, especially broccoli, cauliflower and carrot mixture, and you absolutely love mangoes. The biggest challenge has been meat. You don't like it. Try what we may to conceal the smallest morsel of meat in a heap of fruit or veggies, and you have no trouble identifying it, and you manage to spit only the meat out while eating the rest. At the end of February, during your routine appointment at the pediatrician, I told him about your meat aversion. He basically told me to salt the meat slightly because, after all, unspiced meat doesn't taste very good. Things have improve, but not dramatically, it is not unusual for you to gag on meat. Only recently does it seem like we are making progress. I think it's only a question of being patient, and not rushing you.

Little Sickling

Aurelia has been out of sorts this last week. It started with a mild fever, that lasted a couple of days, when, at last, it peaked, and disappeared. It looked as though the coast was clear, when less than two days later, a rash appeared. Since yesterday, it is clear that her ears are bothering her. And so, today, after having consulted, the health line, and her pediatrician (by phone), we headed out to an emergency clinic just to make sure things were okay. It looks as though she has roseola, which is what I suspected, and we just need to monitor her over the next couple days, as her ears to appear irritated. She has a scheduled appointment with her pediatrician on Tuesday, so he'll be able to check if her ears clear up with the virus or if she'll need antibiotics. I am to continue administering Tempra to relieve fever (if it returns) or to help manage her ear pain...

I know that this was nothing serious, but the stress I have felt over the last couple of days, not to mention the lack of sleep, has been overwhelming. I hope this is the worst we will ever have to experience with a child ill. It breaks your heart to see them so helpless, and unable to do much to relieve their discomfort.

7:45 am

It's early morning, and I forced myself out of bed after being woken by a neighbor slamming the door and the high-pitched continuous meowing of my cat. I would rather be in bed, but am gathering the courage to change another diaper. Sometimes, you just don't feel like it. Then again, if you take a moment, and think of the "why", it seems like a small price to pay.

Almost 10pm

It is almost 10 pm. You're about 8 1/2 months old, and you should be sleeping. Instead, when I go into your room to check on you, you are wide awake, playing quietly in your crib, and you greet me with this face. This look. I am not complaining.

Holidays...right.

Ahh, the holidays are over. It strikes me as particularly odd how the most hectic, crazy, sometimes stressful time of year can be referred to as the "holidays". Our holidays over here began on December 24th with a family supper that Ben and I prepared at my mom's for her side of the family,and ended the night of New Year's Eve at around 2am January 1st. All in all, it was a wonderful time, but I did lose my cool a few times with a few projects. Just ask Ben.

The most special part of this Christmas was celebrating with Aurelia, and being grateful for all the good things that have happened for us over the past year. I will write more about what I am grateful for another time, but suffice to say, it was such a wonderful moment to show this healthy little bundle off to our closest friends and family. She hardly slept the entire time, was completely off any sort of schedule, and yet she never made a peep. I suppose this is what she has been making up for over the last two days.

A significant milestone was also reached on Christmas night. After an impromptu fondue supper and Ben's brother's with their parents, we came home and I prepared Aurelia for bed. At one point she was nawing on my finger, and suddenly her gums felt sharper than usual. As Ben was walking into the house, I called him over, desperately trying to get a good look at what I had felt. Lo and behold, there was a little tooth making its appearance in the front of her lower gums. Of course, I cried. That beautiful gummy smile is beginning to disappear. Bittersweet moment.

Unfortunately, a little bit of dread also set in during this time of year. On Christmas morning, I had an instant of cramping pain that I immediately identified as stemming from my kidneys. It didn't significantly rear its ugly head again until January first, when I woke up with a definite aching in my flank. Took it easy that day and since, but am very anxious for the appointment I have with the urologist next week. I just hope I can get these stones out before the agony sets in.

I started taking down our Christmas decorations yesterday. All that is left is the Christmas tree, and I have decided to save that task for either tomorrow or Sunday, since the trash will only be going by Monday morning to pick up the tree. Another task I almost completed yesterday was the sorting of the huge stack of photos I had developed. Looking forward to having that job completed so I can get some creating done with that.

Off to watch a bit of Baby Einstein.